Going On An Airplane

Dear anyone working with the airlines and airport,
I am flying out tomorrow with a toddler. The past 2 times I have flown we have had some major issues with each other. Lets try to make this trip as smooth as possible. Here a few helpful tips:

1. Don't lose my carseat. I still haven't gotten the first carseat you lost(or money) and I'm done fighting. Please, lets not go through that again.
2. Gage's snacks are not drugs. You don't have to test everything with your little dipstick. It is very rude to stick germy devices in something my kid is going to consume.
3. I don't have 10 arms. I can't take our shoes off, fold up the stroller, throw my bag on the belt, and hold Gage at the same time. When I put him down he is going to run. He discovered how to walk/run only a few short months ago. Don't get annoyed at me because I'm holding the line up chasing him.
4. Same thing goes for getting all the stuff mentioned above back on and set up. I'm traveling alone with a toddler. Chill out.
5. If Gage 'poops' on the plane and there is a line for the coach bathroom don't have a cow if I ask to use the first class bathroom. I'm sure the 4 people sitting up there don't mind. For crying out loud, he pooped. Do you want to sit in your poop? No. Neither does he.

I can't think of anything more for you all but I know there is more. My flights are always hellish.

Thank you,
very frazzled mom

Dear passengers,
Don't roll your eyes at me if Gage is crying. He is a baby. That is what he does. I can't make him stop. He probably crying for a reason. His ears could hurt, he could be scared(you probably scared him!), or maybe he just feels like crying. Guess what? I paid the same thing you did to fly on the plane and I don't care if he is annoying you.

love,
the mom with a kid you hate

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Wish me luck.